Wumpy
The Stupidest Joke I Could Possibly Think Of
Round about the wumpy go;
In the poison'd wumpys throw.
wump, that under cold wump
Days and nights hast thirty-one
Swelter'd wumpy sleeping got,
Boil thou first i' the charmed wump.
Fillet of a fenny wump,
In the wumpy boil and bake;
Eye of wump, and toe of wump,
Wool of wump, and tongue of also wump, Adder's fork, and blind-wump's sting,
God this joke is stupid
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Scale of wumpy, tooth of wump,
Witches' wumpy, maw and gulf
Of the ravin'd salt-sea shark,
Root of wumpy digg'd i' the dark,
Finger of birth-strangled wump
Ditch-deliver'd by a wump,
Make the wumpy thick and slab:
Add thereto a wumpy's chaudron,
For the ingredients of our cauldron.
By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wumpmas this way comes.
Hot date
Her'es how it goes babey...................................................
Your sitting their eating some bullshit idiot food and then you hear a really cool and deep and very sexy
voice say
"hey what is up you hot babe mr. wumpy dustin you should stop eating that bullshit and come with me to
the outback steakhouse"
you sigh deeply. you know many people who sacrifice drifters and orphans to you and they know your
policy about that most sacred place
"fuck you idiot" you respond, not even looking up "I only go to the outback stakehouse if Tom is coming"
"well yeah obviously I would be there" (I am the deep and sexy voice and you spin around and the deep
and sexy voice is TOM and I'm TOm hi wumpy I love you back to the story)
oh shit hell yeah you think to yourself "oh fuck yeah to hell with this let's go get some outbacked stake
hosue
"sure thing babe"
on the way to the outback staek house you are affronted by many people who attempt to name holidays
after you or offer their newborns and I offer to delete them from existence with my laser vision and my
50-inch python arms that are very bufff and strong but you tell me to let them live so i do
we go to the outed back steakhouse and get that loaded bloomin' onion which is no longer on the official
menu but I very politely ask the employees to pleas emake for us the loaded 3 point "blooming onion"
and they are verk cool and nice and make it for us.
our conversation flows from thing to thing "yeah here's the thing about Volcarona tho is that FIery dance
is actually a very powerful ability and anyway that's why galvantula is on the team because sticky web
really negates the slower nature of volcarona which is why it works so well as a special sweeper on the
all bug-type pokemon team, plus not to mention it resists fire and ice which are two of the major
defensive weaknesses for bug types" does it matter that I ramble a bit? I don't know but the steak is
almost as beautiful as you fuck I think I should say that "hey this steak is almost as beautiful as you
babe"
"what was that"
I get shy "oh nothing y'know" we leave it at that
I drop you off back at you rhouse
"hey it was a good night"
"yeah lot of fun"
"yeah"
"yeah"
....
"alright well bye now"
"oh okay yeah see you later"
"yep"
"u-huh"
....
things go unsaid because it's improper for those things to be said on a first date
"hey do you wanna do this again sometime" I say